Can we be real?

A reality check with ‘real’!

Years ago, I realized that most of the people around me did not mean what they said. I was also surprised to realize that what I saw was not their real self either. It surprised me because I was always what I was – morning and night, today and tomorrow, BC (Before Contentment) and AD (After Disillusionment) and shall remain thus ever after (if there is any such era!).

Bottom line of my observation was a disbelief because I was always brought up saying what I meant and meaning what I said. My world existed in black and white of universal truths and accepted behaviors and leave alone color, there was never even a grey in-between. I have said that to many over a period of time. Needless to add, no one seemed to believe me when I was with them. Unfortunately, they believe it only once I am gone from their lives. But then, not being one to cry over spilt milk or enabling childish, melodramatic reactions, I always move on by the time people realize this. For me then, their opinion does not matter anyways neither does their realization. If you lost me as a friend and mentor, then it is your loss not mine. My mentoring was for the benefit of all those who wanted to learn the honorable & principled approaches of being an educator. And my guidance was universal for everyone. Very few took my counsel and the rest tried to dig potholes along the way.

When people try to lay landmines for others and thrive on bigotry, I find myself weary of such individuals but people who deem to control ‘power’ oft mistake that for loyalty. Many of us forget that when someone is snitching about someone to you, then it comes from a habit rather than any love for you. If they can do it for someone else, they would surely be doing it for you too. Having the courage to call a spade a spade is one thing. Being able to take that spade and use it to knock some sense into them is entirely fabled stuff. Believe me I have been there. Many a times. Ruffled a lot of feathers and made some really important people, importantly uncomfortable.  But I had moral immunity.

It has become hilarious over time how certain qualities which as a person you may be enormously proud-off to have, are considered liabilities and I have had ‘spades’ wanting to be called anything else but that!!

‘Real’ takes on an entirely new meaning as it passes through the realms of the 21st century thought processes. It takes on new meaning at every turn of a New Year as 31st December tries to sneak past 1st January. Many a junkie promises to make it a part of their everyday operations around this time with little or no success. Yet it is a valued asset in all resolution lists. Looks nice sitting there looking very ‘real’!!

But ‘real’ has its own limitations and can get ‘real’ only as much. For on its own it is another thought and word and takes on a powerful meaning only when implemented through the life and actions of an individual.

Wonder if anyone of us is left who still have the ‘Jigar’ to be real in this artificial, make-belief world. May those with the hutzpah raise their hands. (I see but a few; may our tribe increase!)

Keeping my realities close to my heart while keeping myself as real as possible!!

42 thoughts on “Can we be real?

  1. If we try to be real then for how long? Can you be real in office in front of your manager when you know fault is not yours? Can you be real in front of your in laws when you know you dont have any other options to leave them as they are wrong? It is circumstances and we act sometimes accordingly but wearing a mask to harm someone or playing a double role to hurt someone is not a fare game… But can we be real atleast for some moments , towards our own feelings?

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    1. How true!! Those are the grey areas of life and so they shall be……cannot be black/white always but those are exceptions of a very strange kind; I guess we can at least be ‘real’ in our angst in such situations and try to salvage the self-respect as much as we can. With privilege comes immunity yet the circumstances tie our scenarios behind our back; sometimes out of respect, sometimes due to zero options. So what you say stays!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. First of all, hats off to you for choosing such a daring topic to write. Being real in this realistic world is a difficult task, and am glad to know that how beautifully you are doing introspection. I just love to trace my inner self’s journey. Loved your post and every bit of it.

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  3. Gone are the days, when everything is in pure black and white and people call a spade as a spade. Now we can’t be just like that in those olden days to survive. But for our survival, we need to develop a closed group for us where we can be purely ourselves without any inhibitions.

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    1. So true….the core group helps you to survive and pull along….

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  4. How can one be anything if not real? Pretending to be someone else is so exhausting, is it not? Your post is food for thought and raises some valid questions, Anjali. I have the ‘jigar’ to be real and stay that way. Don’t have too many fans for being so, but then winning Miss Congeniality was never my goal 🙂

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    1. Absolutely!! What’s the fun of being a copy – originality always scores and who wants to be popular. I’d rather be morally secure….No aspirations of becoming a politician at all – saying something and meaning something else.

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  5. Such a nice topic to talk about. It’s really challenging and difficult to be real in today’s world.

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    1. Yes, isn’t it? But that’s where the challenge lies I guess… can we manoeuvre this minefield called Life? Keeping it real helps I feel…. The need to remember needless things is erased.

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  6. Being always in the world of Black n White is really good, as long you can be able to. Is it possible to stay so ‘real’ everytime? In our daily life, some situations may occur when we have to take help of our grey side. Though if you’re strong enough to tolerate the consequences of being real, it’s the best thing in the world. Hats off to you for penning down such a wonderful topic.

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    1. Shree Mayee – maybe its a less trodden path…but always worth the while. Yes I agree that I have faced consequences for it and I was blessed to have choices – but I feel we all do most most of the time and it always pays to stay real…..My value today in my professional and personal life stems from this….I tell everyone to at least try….No harm! The grey always there and definitely easy. Thanks for your observations.

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  7. My hand is UP…I am real as much as I can be. And I face the flak for it. But I really dunno how to be fake. But as you have rightly pointed out, Yes..the world is full of fake people and I don’t blame them. It doesn’t pay to be real nowadays.

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  8. Being ourselves just does not work out these days but it was so thoughtful of you to choose such an extraordinarily topic to write about. Some people do want to be themselves but then the acceptance level of others is not so much due to which they are left alone.

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  9. Me too..me too..i would also see people as i am myself…real and truthful and that back fierd big time…because i am surrounded by people who will say things just for the sake of it…like words have no meaning…but its sad as they are not strong enough to live their truth…

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  10. I call a spade by no other name but that. Especially when people ask me for my ‘genuine feedback as a friend’. Then they go and take offense because it is not what they want to hear. That said, I feel that we can be true but polite and sensitive to others. There are ways to gently let down people when you know they need to be told something but they may get hurt in the process. I would take this approach for people I really care about – because many times it is not the actual truth but the bluntness of it that hurts someone. On the other hand, fake people who want only praise are shown the door – infact I lead them out!

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    1. Kudos!! I lead them out too…same pinch!!😍👍

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  11. You know what, I often try to be as real as I can. This is not easy and many times I’ve to put on a mask to hide what I actually mean. Society is here to tackle and train us to suit the surroundings.

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  12. Being real is an art on which very rare are mastered. most of them languish between the world of reality and fakeness and chose the side as per their comfort. I appreciate you have the courage to say spade a spade. Well penned!

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    1. Thanks Archana…..mukt bhogi you know – lived all of it thus know it all too well.

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  13. Interesting post. There has to be a balance between being real and being polite. Being fake does not do any good, it just adds to the stress.

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  14. Being real comes with a price. Hence sometimes we have to venture into the grey area.

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  15. In a perfect world, no one would be fake. But let’s get real (pun intended). It is not always possible. There is always the gray area. That said, one can be true to oneself, and be able to look into the mirror each day.

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  16. Monidipa Dutta June 13, 2021 — 4:43 pm

    Being real had been the main reason of ny downfall. I do agree with being real but sometimes not being real helps.

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    1. Hmm…. I can relate. Have faced the flak many a times just because of that…..

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  17. Kudos for choosing to write about this . In my opinion instead of being a false someone to please the crowd it is better to be real and stay with a close knit group or even a lone wolf

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    1. So true Sindhu….I prefer standing-out than being part of a crowd. Thanks!

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  18. Super relatable and the most important take – I was always brought up saying what I meant and meaning what I said.

    That one line says so much of your upbringing and a lesson to us to incorporate while i teach the same to my kids

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  19. Your post is everything that needs to be said out loud. Lovely and glad that i could read something like this. Yes, people often pretend to be someone else. And it later becomes so hard for them to carry on that image

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  20. Such a wonderful post and I really wish that everyone was real but in this world there are handful of people who are actually real in this world

    Liked by 1 person

  21. To be real, one has to be in real world and we know that is far than reality. I liked the blogpost that mentions there are some grey areas. If we go deep, why people start being unreal is when we try to become modest. People from trying to be modest start behaving as fake and that is the line people cross it conveniently.

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    1. MeenalSonal from auraofthoughts

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  22. There was the time when I used to do things to please others but in the course of time I realised or hurts me more than Anyone else. Be rite is very courageous but nest to be real if you need to be peace within yourself. Loved the way you have expressed yourself.

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  23. There was the time when I used to do things to please others but in the course of time I realised it hurts me more than anyone else. Be real is very courageous and it is needed, if you need to be peace within yourself. Loved the way you have expressed yourself.

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  24. I try to be as real as possible, while I share my success, I also share my failures on Instagram, but yes we have our limitations. However, I do wish that we see more of reality in this fake world, it is already so hard out there. Nice post.

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  25. I just loved this article. Reading you the first time and really liked how you expressed yourself. Sometimes being real cost so much. This world is full of fake people, but there is still hope and we can find some actually real people.

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    1. Yes real is rare but I am always so comfortable in my skin being who I am….and close, very small of friends know my worth…..works well for me! Thanks for your kind words…..

      Liked by 1 person

  26. Being able to take that spade and use it to knock some sense into them is entirely fabled stuff. This is so true…the only thing that’s in our hands is how to be true to ourselves .. “you can’t handle the truth” from the movie A Few good men is a dialogue that came to mind when I read this

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