Release or Hold?
A recent run in with my son over whether I was losing my cool a bit too often in the past week, had me decide to withdraw from active service. So, to say. The effects were far beneficial for me than for anyone else.
For starters, I spoke less with everyone in the next 24 hours which gave my vocal cords a huge and much needed rest.
Secondly, since I was doing my thing and stuff, totally ignoring the work/stuff/things of the others in the house, it left me with more time for my kind of stuff. Basically, solid Me time.
Thirdly, for things and processes which no one wants to take full and complete responsibility, I left it either on my staff or on my son and husband to monitor and oversee. I did not develop that sense of foreboding fear that what if this or that is not done well/right way. Say what will happen to my pets. Things were done by everyone on their own, silently. You would say: Wonderful, is it not? I say: They were convinced that if she is not saying a word, she is upset about something and each was going over the steps and processes many times over. Hence the perfection!! Exactly my contention: Why can this not be done as a system every day, day in day out because the work remains the same. Why is it that this happens when I set curd in my mouth and do not interact with anyone & that is a sign that all is not well! Beats me!!
Fourthly, withdrawing from active service, I found I was not removing stuff, putting away stuff or organizing someone’s stuff because I had consciously decided not to. It is never about whether I can do this or that for everyone – it is always about the instances which find me doing this and organizing or arranging. It seems to be just my responsibility while everyone else wants the house and rest of the things that go with it in pristine condition too. But who shakes the b****, I ask? Moreover, when my things being put away/organized/sorted for me are far in between. And if it is ‘ok’ to leave washed and pressed clothes on the sofa in your room or other miscellaneous stuff, random glasses/cups, an odd fallen spoon, an empty cold drink disposable bottle while it is being dusted and cleaned – who bells the cat? For it is not the right thing to do. Those doing it will find it difficult/your clothes get handled and thus dirty/may get misplaced/things take longer to get done. Yes, the heavens will not fall, definitely no!! But even after the rooms are set, they will continue to look untidy. Nothing darlings is permanent nor unsolvable in this world except life & death. For everything else there is a solution, and it is ok to not do it or anything but that is not normal. Everyone acts and moves for themsleves. (Of course, it is perfectly fine with me if you find method in chaos – Just don’t expect me to find my peace of mind in it!)
Fifthly, try doing a million things perfectly – food on time, a pristine home, safely lodged pets, the ladder full, the fridge never empty, everything washed, cleaned and pressed, someone getting you tea, breakfast lunch & dinner and snacks thrown in as well, every demand for everything being met with a : “Done/Possible/Getting it/Here it is” , pursuing the professional work, looking after the kids (wherever applicable) and people being trained to help us out in the midst of all of this.
Is it possible for anyone except the woman of the house to do all the above?
The answer is definite: NO!
Thus, give her some slack, people. She is entitled to lose it, not occasionally but more often than not. Go take a bow!
Change it by stepping in to bring about the change. Start small. Every great end began with small beginnings!
Actions will speak louder than words which would be wonderful because she will not require to use words – angry or otherwise.
Step-in so that she can step back and relax too for a while. Why does she keep dreaming of doing it only at her parent’s place?
And let her ‘let go’ for that helps her to vent off the angst which you miss so often. It is better if the steam is let off. In such situations remember the pressure cooker – this is her safety valve, otherwise you have left no stone unturned to let the pressure increase inside. I doubt anyone of you are prepared for the subsequent blast.
Everyone may be important for everything to function smoothly: Family, life, workplace, relationships. But forget not, dear people, that it is the quiet, solid groundwork, support, the nitty-gritty, the seemingly simple nuts n bolts of the functioning of an everyday day which makes your day: NORMAL.
Try doing the million things together and getting them right day after day. We shall blog/talk soon after.
(Which may be never! Hoping to change it with incessant value-adds with my son; a day of observation, a day off active duty, he may not be convinced but will have to come around!)