Revisiting- Remembering – But what do I look forward to?

I often use my sojourns to revisit and revise, to remember and review what I believe and what I love doing along with who I want around me, when I do.

Post my second book as I took off to another continent, I recounted the months gone by. In the midst of everything, I had managed to write my book and meet my launch deadline too. The launch itself was unique and path-breaking in several ways.

When we work in groups, there’s always immense coordination and understanding required. Scenarios and designations within a school environment are vastly different from other situations. And we often do not give due credit to the administrative support extended by the office team. Their importance and impact was never undermined by me because to pull off a Herculean event I always depended heavily on them. In the run up to my second book launch, as we planned another huge event,  I had the opportunity to play their role. It was not the task or tasks itself which turned out to be intimidating but the expectations.

Expectations make me revisit some more thoughts and events. When performances are mediocre then genuine actions amid that run-of-the-mill scenarios meet all expectations. Once the average turns to excellent always, with each time the nautch being driven higher then anticipations are never with abated breadth but considered usual.

Even as I write this, I remember the umpteen moments of how reactions turned from a “wow” to “good but you know we could……”. Celebrating ‘wonderful’ with introspection is what I have learnt from my father. Everything done has taken effort, so it is great, no doubt but there’s always scope for improvement. An army style debriefing is always something I have done with my teams in schools for big as well as small events – it helps you to check-list-off actions which were wasteful and unproductive or insightful about what could have been fine tuned to something better. I also learnt from dad not to use those moments to start a fault finding mission on an individual level (till something earth-shattering had been done by individuals or groups of them which would have led to disastrous consequences) but to reflect on how one could become an ace at it the next time. I had done my own debriefing after my first book launch to get my second to another level.

Some perspectives realigned, some instances rethought of, other events re-calibrated, I have done my soul-searching and have re-examined my scenarios and circumstances to arrive at a baffling conclusion. In-between all the misplaced expectations, the confused situations with less than aware individuals, a despotic age & era – how do I keep my enthusiasm tempo and beat the distressing & worrying & burdensome blues
arising from my realization that I may be fighting a just battle but may not be
on the winning team.

Phew! What then do I look forward to?

I hope the directions and the proverbial writings on the wall were as distinct as this sign about an outback track along the beach in Riverton; I also keep hoping that my taking a less trodden path would be as picturesque & breathtaking as this off-the-beaten-track!
On the way to my favorite place, the surroundings make the journey more unique and each time I look forward to it even though the journey I have done a thousand times already but with my work I am not enthused at all; I figured out that it’s not the journey which has me disillusioned but the surroundings!
Sigh!
Quaint and reflective – Arrowtown is sleepy & quiet but pulls me each time for a visit; I wonder why my three decade long profession scares the wits out of me now – I had thought my books will relieve me of my angst and trouble but I discovered more questions which need to be answered, more honest collaborations which need to be done – but are we ready to help each other make the change?
My answer is: No; we prefer going ‘solo’ which equals to “effort wasted”; surprisingly very few of us care!
I sat and gazed far away into the horizon on a beautiful day and saw the placid waves come in incessantly to shore, tirelessly and wished for some of that energy and persistence from my surroundings on the Pebble beach in Riverton; Sadly, I had an ‘uplifted’ mood only till I was there…..using my own writing as a catharsis, I hope to find a better tomorrow!

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