Musings of A Crazy Mind!

Sometimes you must do wonky things to get into your senses. I do it many a times when I feel I am getting detached from reality. The reality is mine and may be someone else’s mocking sarcasm and another’s piped daydream.

Everyone likes things to be right and just, but no one wants to work towards that egalitarianism. Neither in work ethics nor organisational hierarchy nor in emotional desire. We forever keep assuming that if it has happened to someone else it shan’t ever happen to us. As if we live in some vacuum of society and things which are wrong will not touch us as a ‘wrong’ but will miraculously right themselves before reaching our doorsteps. Well, they definitely will but not because of some miracle but because someone was conscientious enough to stand up for the right and fight that wrong.

Many of us feel sorry for ourselves but we do not have the guts to stand up for anything. We have a million things to point out which are erroneous about our chosen professions but almost all of us keep cowardly working inside those iniquitous scenarios, meekly following the draconian setups and allowing prejudiced everyday happenings. And we love to fire that odd, once-in-a-while bullet from another’s shoulder using yet another’s gun and then step back and lament the fact with a clicking of our tongues that sadly all is not well. How sad! Well, soooo chueet Boss, neither the shoulder nor the gun nor the bullet was yours, definitely not the intention either, then what’s all the pseudo righteousness about? If you want something corrected, then make a point, take a stand, stick out your neck. Otherwise everyone knows where the parasites reside and what they do. In the crevices, carving the very place which shelters them to a total hollow!

Situations of helplessness create the strangest bedfellows. Desperate situations need desperate arrangements is many a times quoted. But it is evident when the very enemies we were sworn against become our greatest friends. Suddenly mediocrity sells, unscrupulous shine forth, even house cat and doormat mouse think they are the king of the jungle while the jungle laws start operating & the survival of the fittest takes on a whole new meaning. Often the single biggest causality in such scenarios is TRUST. An inability to see the honest perspective, the hardworking toil and ethical standpoints are the preceding symptoms. Requires no doctor to identify the sickness of such individuals and organisations nor a labyrinth set of didactic tests required to figure out the gravity of the protracted illness. Its third stage, critical and definitely on ventilator support. Goodbye organisation, it’s the beginning of your end!

For years in school environments I have heard people say that organisations are not dependent on anyone person or groups of people. When I was teacher, I had this thrown at me all too often.

I knew this was true. A fact.

The only set of people for whom you are indispensable, I always reasoned, were your family because for them you remain ‘the’ most important person. This I started adding as I added more grey hair and a wrinkle or two to my physic not to forget the generosity of Mr. Weight.

The funny and weird observations about this and other things are not because of this statement but the peculiarity of it. And my blog title says it all!

I have many a times found myself the odd one out though we all started off together. Somehow the others stepped back one step, and this found me amusingly as the lone wolf! That’s where my army upbringing came to the rescue, always foremost in the line of fire. Pat on my back.

I haven’t let people use my shoulder to fire anything, but a strong forces upbringing & culture of having the “balls to speak up, even without having them” (courtesy M’s dialogue in one of my favourite Pierce Brosnan James Bond film) has left many squirming uncomfortably in their seats and shoes because I’ve called a spade a spade and a moron by the same name, in the same breadth. Then I became dispensable!

I have never seen any point in wearing a mask while being me, for though we are in a play called LIFE, we aren’t playing someone else’s role but ours. I prefer real even though I love my films all make-belief and the mushy kind: Chasing Liberty, Polar Express, Prince and Me……my list is endlessly predictable there. Why look for too much realism on the screen when each day doesn’t disappoint us there? Like if I don’t say it, it’s not because I don’t notice it! It’s because I have the wisdom to keep my counsel. If I don’t blow my own trumpet, it’s because I am content with who I am! The list is endless here too.

 I believe because I care.
 I care because I feel.
 I feel because I think.
 I think because I’m aware.
 I’m aware because I analyse.
 I analyse because I know.
 I know because I relate.
 I relate because I’ve experienced.
 I’ve experienced because I wanted.
 I wanted because I’m real.
 I’m real because I’m me.
 I’m me because no one else can be!! 
Being a loner isn’t scary, the others don’t care and you are the only one is what is worrisome!
Life may be racing by me, but I tarry-a-while, pause and think, feel and care, I remain aware of my responsibility of being human, of being real – That’s the least I can do for myself!!
I am hoping I am a long way off from departures of a permanent kind and continue to have my time to make some difference, being more alive, living with truer commitment and let the light n shade fascinate me equally while aiding me to continue to have clarity about what I do not want to be & in focusing on the essentials!!

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