Sometimes things flash by you and one is left a little dazed. On other occasions, its about being right there in front, in charge, in control and its as if we are managing our lives from the front row.
I have loved to oversee my actions, my thoughts and my intentions always. It has kept me real. It has kept me authentic. I knew how to hold an audience when I was debating. I knew when I had lost them in a declamation contest. I knew how to catch their total attention while enacting a lead role in a play. I knew the man I wanted to marry when I saw him. I knew how and what I’d do to bring up my son the way I did. I knew how I’d help students to learn. I knew many things, not the way they happened eventually but broadly in some pattern which I had in mind.
It’s felt like directing a movie from the front row, loudspeaker in hand, shouting out instructions, finding instant solutions, exalting in good decisions, et al.
Though some events have left me totally stumped too. Completely unprepared, totally outwitted. For those I’ve gone through my own battle to deal with the overwhelming emotions. Some voids continue to exist, and one just goes about life with an imaginary agreement, an unseen, unwritten pact.
But these too I’ve dealt with from the front row, being there sitting quietly in the audience, encouraging myself, boosting my self-esteem, reassuring myself that the clouds & darkness shall dispel eventually, emboldening my emotions to deal with loss by focusing on memories which keep my soul alive, keeping the buoy of hope always in sight.
Milestones always make me think of the vivacity of thoughts and actions. They lend a get-up-and-go sparkle to every jaded routine of an everyday life lived well. They also remind me always that because I was in the front row of my life the energy and verve of my to-date life span has not escaped me yet.
I plan to keep my date with my life’s invite to me and I shall continue to interpret it from the front row!