Today I remember the days gone by
I remember the times when my house was full
Of the patter of footsteps & my own loud voice
As I spoke incessantly chiding or correcting.
There forever seemed some task which was left
Some schoolwork not completed
Some class about to happen
Some teacher walking in!
There were the days when I had my plans
To do a Rangoli with flowers
From a design which would be mixed & matched
The shopping for accessories would have taken some time.
Then there were the hampers for friends
Done with sweets and goodies and cards
All of which I made at home myself
Then sent them with yet another plan to reach them on time.
There were the days which were as busy as they are now
As hectic as time can be
I never had time to dwell on silly things
Not worry about anything at all.
It stays that way today too,
I am out early and come back late,
I create, plan and teach all in one day
I manage my home and keep it immaculate still.
I have all the same friends and some new ones too,
All love me and care and remember me as before
We all are busy with something in our lives
Yet there seems to be a difference somewhere, no doubt.
I looked back today as I do often now
To find out what it was that I did then and don’t do now
I realized I do everything still as always
But its just that my attention has got divided now.
I have three homes and three places to go to,
Which in a way is great some would say?
It allows me a choice and scope to explore and meet
And allows me to innovate more than before.
Yet I feel there’s something amiss
Its not just about your little one flying the coop,
Its about the other phase in your life
Where you are in a hurry to make your wisdom work.
Its about gaining the foresight to look beyond one’s ego
To be able to have a view which keeps the wide-angle lens on,
Its about wanting to make people understand
The futility of doing things without a meaningful goal.
The restlessness comes from an urgency to change
Something which you know you cannot,
Because you are smart enough to grasp that the world doesn’t care
And your work’s impact will be lost the minute you disappear.
To know that your impressions will not be cast in stone
Your ideas would inspire people only after your gone,
That you will be missed when you aren’t there anymore
Makes one want to disappear now, if that makes an impact!
Thus, remembering and reminiscing of the days gone by
I realize the restlessness comes from my prudence
Of knowing that the impact of a person’s presence
Comes not from the presence but their absence!!

And that’s not such a happy thought, even for an optimist like me!

Of old memories, of birthday parties, of friends from school and days which merged into a hectic year!
Also of hampers for friends, of home made sweets, of memories which never shall fade!
Of designs and flowers and rangolis and back-breaking planning – all worth the while!
(Notice the design paper – the mix n match wouldn’t end!!)
Of simple holidays, simpler trips and cherished times – with Yak and the weather and the high altitude – wouldn’t trade those days for anything!
Of collectibles and toys which we could not discard, of memories which are as colorful and vibrant through the years!
Of summer in the capital as vacations were spent amidst the heat and the dust and also some history – revisited!
Of photography, and angles and getting that perfect view from the lens!
The balcony with a view of the summer flowers, birds and greenery and time spent years ago!
Of those wondrous birds who dared to make their nests still in-between the habitation because I guess life for everyone was simpler then!
Of winged and feathered friends who knew no fear and on to newer lands as horizons widened!
Of trips which merged delight and magic and made each day surreal!
Of history which compels you to think – what is it that we lost to gain our present – shouldn’t our thinking also have some purpose?
Remembering our history, our roots and our origins helps us understand our future – is it the wisdom from grey hair? or its my wisdom tooth? or perhaps, I think & analyse too much?
Either ways the answer I get is important – the way I get it isn’t!!
Our journeys take us through lands which are fascinating and people who teach us through their attitudes, do we let it excite us to explore further or does it satisfy us enough to become complacent?
I have made my choices – Have you?
Oh Yes! This is exactly how I want my epitaph to look – here lies one who created turmoil wherever she went and a left a path different from the normally accepted placid & calm!
I already have the smirk on my face – that will be one journey, I would not mind to have taken, after all!

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