When Google lost hope (and so did I)

There are certain evenings in life that deserve to be preserved – not because they were particularly profound or life-changing, but because if you don’t laugh at them later, you’ll probably require therapy.

This was one of those evenings. The heavens had opened with such enthusiasm that Noah himself would have considered dusting off the ark. The roads had disappeared under sheets of rain, traffic had slowed to the pace of thoughtful snails, and visibility had reduced itself to an optimistic suggestion. It was, in every possible sense, the perfect evening to let technology do the thinking. Which is exactly what I intended.

Google Maps was on. The destination was entered. The soothing electronic lady announced with complete confidence, “Proceed straight.”

Simple enough. Or so I believed.

Unfortunately, seated along with me were two members of my staff who, for reasons known only to the Almighty, had suddenly appointed themselves as Google’s unofficial interpreters. One became navigator and the other was of course driving or so he thought.

“No Ma’am… not this straight.”

“This straight.”

“No… actually that straight.”

There are very few things in life more dangerous than a person who has absolutely no idea where they are going but possesses unlimited confidence while giving directions.

For the next forty-five minutes, my car became a participant in what can only be described as an urban treasure hunt.

“Take the next left,” the navigator instructed. The driver took it.

“No… not this left,” the navigator fumed.

“There was another left?” asked the innocently baffled driver. “Why didn’t you see it?” The navigator inquired. “It’s raining”, said the driver

“What’s so difficult in the rain?”

Silence. I sat numb as if the downpour outside had drenched me inside.

Then…

“Maybe Google recalculated.”

Google hadn’t recalculated. Google had simply given up. Soon we were making U-turns with the dedication of Olympic figure skaters.

Left. Right. Another right.

“No… that was wrong.”

Back again. Another U-turn.

At one point I was fairly certain we had overtaken ourselves.

The rain continued pouring with relentless enthusiasm while my cars windscreen wipers worked harder than government clerks on the last day before retirement.

Every fresh instruction seemed more imaginative than the previous one.

“Go straight.”

“We missed it.”

“No, no… reverse.”

“There was a lane.”

“Which lane?”

“The small one.”

“The one underwater?”

“Yes.”

Wonderful. I have always believed that driving in heavy rain tests one’s patience.

That evening, however, I discovered it also tests one’s vocabulary. I was determined to remain calm. After all, I am an educator.

I train teachers. I encourage critical thinking.

Problem-solving.

Decision making.

Emotional regulation.

Apparently, I should have scheduled an additional workshop titled How Not To Lose Your Mind While two fools are following or giving conflicting directions during a monsoon.

Then came the masterpiece.

“Ma’am… I think we have reached.”

Reached what, exactly, remained unclear. Because directly ahead of us was…

…a drain.

Not beside the drain. Not overlooking the drain. Not near the drain.

On top of what appeared to be a magnificently overflowing drainage culvert masquerading as a road.

The GPS, in its innocence, had merely pointed toward the destination.

My two navigational geniuses had somehow interpreted this as an invitation to scale municipal drainage infrastructure. At that precise moment, something fascinating happened inside my brain.

It didn’t explode. It didn’t boil. It simply… fogged over. Scientists speak about cognitive overload. I experienced automotive enlightenment. The brain reaches a stage where anger becomes too exhausted to function. You simply stare ahead into the rain and wonder how evolution has managed to keep our species going for this long.

Every explanation offered after that only deepened the mystery.

“No Ma’am… I thought…”

“I assumed…”

“It looked like…”

“Maybe…”

There is something uniquely entertaining about people attempting to justify decisions that clearly had no visible relationship with logic. Each sentence somehow became less intelligent than the one before it. Normally, I try very hard not to judge people.

Everyone has strengths. Everyone has weaknesses. Some people solve equations. Some paint beautifully. Some write poetry. Some can locate hidden restaurants without Google. And then…

There are those who can transform a perfectly functioning GPS into an adventurous work of fiction. That evening led me to a rather uncomfortable philosophical conclusion. For years we’ve been told that intelligence depends upon grey cells. I’m beginning to suspect the relationship is a little more… complicated.

Because sometimes you meet individuals who possess perfectly healthy grey cells, yet somehow every instruction travelling between brain and mouth appears to encounter severe traffic congestion. I did briefly consider investigating what the missing ingredient might be.

Common sense? Observation? Spatial awareness?  The ability to distinguish between a road and a drain?

But I decided against making any formal conclusions. After all, I have known remarkably intelligent people who cannot find their spectacles while wearing them. Human beings are fascinating creatures. We can send spacecraft millions of kilometers into space. We can perform robotic surgery.  We can decode the human genome. Yet place three adults inside one car with Google Maps, heavy rain and low visibility……and civilization quietly collapses.

Looking back now, I no longer remember how long the journey took. I don’t remember how many wrong turns we made. I don’t even remember how we eventually reached our destination. What I remember are the absurd conversations.

The complete confidence with which entirely incorrect instructions were delivered.

The dramatic U-turns. The overflowing drain. And that moment my brain simply surrendered and chose silent disbelief over active irritation. Life has an amusing way of teaching us that the best stories rarely emerge from perfect planning.

They emerge from spectacular confusion. From impossible evenings. From torrential rain.  From wrong turns. And occasionally……from two earnest human beings who proved beyond reasonable doubt that while Google Maps may occasionally lose signal…human confidence never does.

Even when it absolutely should.

#CocoonDiaries #AnjalisMusings #LifeAsItHappens #GPSChronicles #MonsoonMadness #WrongTurn #CommonSenseMatters #HumourWriting #LaughAtLife #BecauseThisActuallyHappened