Reflections = Learnings

I wonder whether any one of you ever think back on episodes of your lives – both good and bad and try to ascertain for yourselves why things went right or wrong? I often wonder whether that is something which I do or others all around me do as well. For it is very easy to just simply ‘live’. Pass your time so to say in the world.

I do not want to, nor do I aspire to be a game changer or a radical thinker or even any kind of influencer. I just desire to be myself – someone who can live my life without being worried of opinions, expectations, and judgements. As I reflect, I understand and analyze.

My musings…….

1. NEGATIVITY

Is it acquired? Is it in-born? Does it develop inside due to reasons and external factors or even internal ones? All? Maybe some?

• When one sees the sad part or the worries or the unhappiness of any situation first. Now that does oft strike us as the first emotion when things go wrong but when we continue to dwell on it and despite efforts by family and friends to help rid us of the scenarios and see beyond, we want to focus on what was not.

Basically, chronic ‘dhukhi atmas’ (Sad souls)

• When one brings down another person through a series of unhappy and ill-timed observations. Or maybe even slander the person based on incorrect/half-truth/unfair inputs. And if it (any good) did not happen with me then I shall not let it happen to anyone.

Basically, certified rubbish cans.

Solution?

Ideally it would be to toss them into space, where they can orbit forever, spewing their negativity on stuff which does not care. In real life wherein such make-belief sends a rush of adrenaline to your nerves and a smile flirts on one’s lips while considering this option. It cannot be executed into action so, I guess giving them a royal snub would be great for starters.

Secondly, avoiding talking to them about subjects which trigger their negativity further. Harmless ones like grocery shopping or a visit to the hairdresser are safe options. Maximum damage done would be having to listen to how the inflation is up and pockets have shrunk – well, apart from those on the ‘….tilla’, we all are in the same boat. Or it could be about a hair color routine or a beauty one gone awry, which is harmless and in fact informative because even if one does not go for such procedures (a person like me) at least it is factual info to sound informative in front of another third person and even a great conversation saver at awkward parties.

Thirdly, is to not fall into their trap and abyss of a spirally descent of unhappiness and deceit. Steer clear. The initial sweet talk and appreciation is to draw you in and once you think that this is some one who understands and be glad about being friends with you, then slowly comes the barrage of stories of unhappiness which start as mere simple anecdotes and then escalate to turning you into an agony aunt you never wanted to be. If they do start the spiral, try to guide them out of it and into some happy space. If they keep going back despite there being an opening for happiness, then they either want to be in the same predicament or need professional help.

Worth remembering:

Negativity is ‘happy-space’ consuming. And never worth anything. It is not good for you neither for anyone near you.

All solutions for it are found within us and none can help. It is always a state of mind and only in severe cases does it require medical interventions.

If you are seeking help by asking someone willing to hear to listen to you – for often it is because we do not have enough caring people around us who hear our inner angst or pick up those subtle signals of help, then speak in confidence and keep the sanctity of the fact that listening to someone’s anguish and sorrow takes a mental toll on your benefactor too. So, give respect if you are seeking help.

In case you have someone, dear who has shared their torment in the form of negativity with you, try to keep in touch, connect incase they respond well to your listening and advice.

More noteworthy though:

If the ‘negativity’ is coming from some hurt within, help if a person is receptive.

If the onslaught continues and the target, is you, scoot with whatever life you have left from near such people.

Also counter all their slander with hard facts – look at such acts as being unconstructive, unhelpful, and full of nihilism. Put them in their right place: The trash bin!