Preciously Pleasant!

Many occasions, moments and events shape or re-shape your life. I have faced such moments many a times and it has always left me wiser. Realizations that we can extract value out of even the craziest moments/occurrences in life is one such valuable lesson learnt.

Not so long ago after half a decade of working tirelessly for a set of people and institution and another decade with another, my survival options in my chosen professional field got narrowed down by the actions of others. I realized that an analysis and revisiting of the reasons why people behave thus needs to be given extra thought by me. Not one to dwell too long on spilt milk and having the courage to take decisions which can scare most other people, it is always regret free ‘ever afterwards’ for me.

A few years on a break, loads of valuable and much deserved ‘me’ time, readings about opinions and life from other people’s point of view, their experiences and learnings, varied writings from across the world, meeting innumerable people in a different non-threatening role as wannabe author, being out of the ‘rat-race’ as perceived by many others, has led me to analyze and reach conclusions about behaviors of employers and why people in positions of authority behave illogically, inconsistently & imprudently.

My understanding is in a nascent stage and most of this psychoanalysis is based on what I perceived to have known about that person from my standpoint. Many a times the duality of a person’s personality is cunningly kept hidden by the individual, skillfully cloaked under the shrewd garb of ‘personal style’. (I have hated it when staff says: “Mam/Sir does not like anyone to……” – make it, instead: “We do not do unethical doings here in this institution and Mam/Sir support us when we keep our actions honest.” You get my respect more when I hear you say this rather than the contrary.)

For most part I have found the actions and thought processes of such individuals baffling. I remember being told by one such individual about my team understanding me skillfully and ‘they can read you so well’. The conspiratory tone and the ‘it’s so dreadful’ insinuation has baffled me since then. I thought that understanding a leader’s style of working and demeanor and attitude and approach to things and the reaction mindsets and the ethical standpoints – are so, so wonderful from a team’s standpoint. The whispering and the outrageousness being portrayed was perplexing and for me nonplussing. The person had a mask on and an unexplained, esoteric side to the personality.

Thus, they are alone even amongst a crowd.

Thus, they are melancholy even amid celebrations.

Thus, they remain forlorn within even with a happiness masquerade.

Thus, they are they and me is me!

I avoid being narcissist and do not wear my achievements on my sleeve. I remember being taught by my parents at an incredibly early age to:

1. Always be myself – no one can be ‘Me’ then!!
2. Take pride in what you have – the grass is never greener on the other side
3. Have patience – whatever is due to me shall come eventually
4. Que Sera, Sera – whatever will be, shall be, the future is not ours to see (I remember her singing to us: When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother. What will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? And this is what she said to me: Que Sera, Sera…….)
5. Keep it simple, do not advertise yourself – You are only indispensable for family & except them no one will be interested in your sob stories or your successes
6. Believe in your own power to excel and stand-out – your upbringing will cushion you from any environmental stress/bumpy rides

Precious advice led to a pleasant childhood. And beyond.

I have never felt ‘threatened’ by anyone nor ever felt the need to prove myself to anyone – in work/effort/innocence/attitude/conduct/anything. And that is a huge thing especially when I see the so-called ‘millennials’ looking for shallow approvals from faceless people on Facebook, unknown instant likes on Insta, tiresome followers & innate tweets on Twitter. I would rather, they spend time knowing things in-depth, understanding the world around them, devote time with real tangible people, grasp the accepting identity of emotions, enjoy the time and moments in the present. For what I have had as a child, though I was not from the ‘millennials’ generation, I have tried my best to give to my son. Parents tend to change the upbringing style from how-so-ever-way they were brought up because everyone has some ‘guilt’ or some unfulfilled desires from their childhood and they decide very righteously that they shall not keep their child desiring for the same. It is good till then. But it does not stop there. When parents fall into the trap of ‘providing’ for that every desire which they could not have in their childhood, it often tends to get merged with the new desires that are the child’s and those from the pressure of society or peers or schools or media and then starts the downward spiral of conflict and pampered ‘millennials’. With only minor changes and some tweaking the generations can be handled. Only do remember to remain a parent too, despite the other multiple roles you may want to take on like friend/mentor (all are!)/ ally/ buddy, whatever.

A place which has stayed special to me from our district postings in our state is a small thriving town in West Godavari, district of our now divided state: Elluru. It is so for many reasons. There are many memories made there which have stayed extremely fond. With my hubby as District Police Chief there, meeting people was common. I loved to have people over for a meal and getting to know them. Staff was never an issue, and it was easy to spread out the red carpet for everyone who cared to come home. It was fun. One such chance encounter and meeting remained etched in my memory from there and years later Ms. Payal Raina Gosh and me have been in touch. It is the different routines which have kept us from meeting often but thanks to phones and particularly ‘what’s app’ we keep sharing snippets of our lives with each other.

I remember the semi-circular verandah of our old Dutch bungalow, a warm pleasant morning and then the day melted away into the sunset as we sat and spoke endlessly. Some connections become thus for reasons we may never know. When I met Payal that day it was refreshing to meet such a warm and forthcoming person. She remains that wonderfully pleasant, perfect lady still. And of course, she is extremely elegant, stylish, and graceful. It was so adorable listening to her narration of how she met her husband and their unique love story. (I guess I would ask her to relate it herself for us one day and one Blog day!)

She rightly sums up her life to be without regrets & happy. “Blessed with the best!” she states. And prayers that it stays that way always!

Though we are from the services as her husband – Mr. Sabyasachi Ghosh, IAS is Principal Secretary, Youth Services in our state, I do not remember ever talking shop with Payal. We always end up sharing interesting things, or events or recipes or remembering moments which passed us both simultaneously. Describing herself both as “a homemaker cum Entrepreneur” she loves taking care of her family like all moms. I ask her what makes her life in the services so far, all worth it. Payal replies with her characteristic charm and honest intention. “I do everything with good intent. Put my heart and soul into it. It can be as simple as a recipe, or maybe a room makeover, or cleaning my home or handling a business. I feel every work is equally important. Moreover, the reason I am ‘Me’ is because I do not take things personally, & maybe that makes me mentally strong. I also don’t let anything affect me negatively.”

Payal is superbly creative – her delectable Peasant bread – fresh out of the oven and her work of art – sharing ordinary day-to-day moments of our lives helps us keep in touch!

Strength of conviction and belief in one’s ability is the most vital character trait which governs a strong woman’s personality. I love it when I see this trait in women around me. Ms. Payal Raina Gosh instills the same as a role for her beautiful & gorgeous daughter Ishana whose birth was, understandably, the most “beautiful moment” for her as a mother. Her apropos advice for parents of teenagers and young adults: “Never force the child into something you want them to do. Let the child follow her heart. Also, they must know how to respect everyone.”

Friendships survive the test of time & distance when there is commonality of thoughts and similarity of notions. Points of view may not be entirely a perfect fit nor is there a need of a daily dosage of each other – the vibes and the feelings continue a connect. A day spent together almost 20 years ago, a rapport shared over time, a remembrance of the camaraderie of being and stances – Payal remembered me as I did her and her fondness of that time we spent together and her respect for who I was sustained the hiatus of a connect. “I see the bright side of life always and follow the philosophy that you should never worry about things you cannot control! My life’s three pronged funda allows me to be loving & caring as I make everyone feel important and give respect no matter who they are.” And everyone remembers you as…? I ask her. “As a genuine, loving, caring and happy girl who always puts a smile on people’s faces.” Atta girl!! I am sure you do!!

“I love taking care of my health …I love exercising and listening to inspirational videos which make my soul happy, I absolutely love Food, and spending quality time with family is a priority for me!”

Perth and my wandering feet…..

The Peacock and the Parrots at the Queens Park Zoo and the delicious meal at Province -A couture restaurant with immaculate gardens!

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