When Doing Good Feels Too Heavy: Why a People Detox Is My Path to Peace

Sometimes, the weight of doing good feels more like a burden than a virtue. As someone who has always strived to be the empathetic, caring, dependable, and giving person in every room, I’ve realized that this constant effort often leaves me drained and disillusioned. The stark truth is that the very act of being good can become taxing—not just physically, but emotionally and mentally.

The Emotional Toll of Being “Good”

Being kind, considerate, and empathetic may sound noble, but it often comes with hidden costs. Costs which sometimes seems way too high to pay. Over a few years, I have realised the toll it tends to take on me as an individual. I feel more, I care even more, and another’s pain and hardships make me want to change that for them. So, I continue to act and do for others.

You give your time, your energy, and sometimes even your own peace of mind, and physical hardships, ignoring the strain it causes you, forgetting the little irritants, expecting nothing in return. Yet, the world rarely reciprocates in kind. You become the go-to person for solutions, the shoulder to cry on, the one who “will understand,” even if it means neglecting your own needs.

And then there’s the guilt—the gnawing feeling that you’re never doing enough. It becomes a vicious cycle, one where every good deed chips away at your spirit, especially when those around you take your efforts for granted.

A recent interaction while I was working for my NGO, led the person to ask me why I do it? Not the first time that I had been asked this question. I have been asked this question when I started writing my books because out of the four which I have written, only one was about my beloved pets and the other three were about people. Not a commissioned work, no one expected me to write about them, or about their work, some people I had not even known my entire life here in my city, but I wrote and celebrated people. My books were not commercial successes in terms of accepted norms of “commercial successes”. But for me it was my achievement at writing, going through the whole process of publishing a book and (then spending large amounts of money on) a book launch as well.

All my drive. My initiative.

But again, I was asked why I did it for others because I am sure it feels nice to feature in a book and be written about and have an author say so many good and great things about oneself.

“Why did you do it for others?”, I was asked. I have given my answers and have believed in my own learning as more important, but I do sometimes wonder – How many people would have spent their own money in publicizing about others and making the world know about them – a book is a book when its out there in the big, wide world.

I realize I do not want it to be about everyone else, anymore for its an ungrateful world out there and I have for half a century done a lot for those who are around me. I now have other plans.

The Case for a People Detox

I’ve reached a point where I feel the need to step away from the chaos of human interactions. A people detox isn’t about abandoning others; it’s about reclaiming my mental health and inner peace. Constantly being surrounded by people—each with their own expectations, demands, and complexities—can feel like an endless assault on your emotional boundaries.

Through my work and my NGO in recent times I have been fighting hard to make differences, some change and give a better perspective for the people and group of individuals I have been working with or for. Someone asked me recently as I gave finishes touches to a capacity building initiative whether the schools which will receive the equipment and help, appreciate it since it comes to them free of cost. I smiled to myself as I had no answers.

Through my personal life, known and unknown people have benefitted from knowing me. They may not acknowledge the positive influence I have had in their lives, but I am sure it hasn’t been worse off, only better. “No one does that”, is how some far off acquaintances react on an act of kindness which for me would be just another way of life; those who know me, may be think, its her, so it shall be this way and no other.

A hiatus from people is thus, not selfish; it’s self-preservation. It’s acknowledging that my sanity is worth more than being “nice” to those who don’t or even do appreciate it. It’s about letting go of the guilt of not always being available or accommodating and doing.

Why Animals Are My Sanctuary

Amid this chaos, I often stop with a heavy heart and wariness of doing and think and ponder about the world around me and then I see my pets, my home, things which make me happier. My thoughts do not necessarily come from any one action nor as a reaction to something but a general tiredness of being me. And then its the sound of a plate thrown by my Jumpy (my bunny) or a shrieking squawk by Bruce lee (my turkey) or a pair of soulful eyes looking up at me constantly from near my table (my beagle) and I realize how my animals and pets have become my haven and are so much better than human beings around me.

They don’t demand explanations or expect me to live up to any unrealistic standards. They love unconditionally, without judgment, criticism, or hidden agendas. Whether it’s the wag of a tail, a gentle nudge of a head under my palm, or the quiet companionship of simply being in the same space, their presence reminds me that love doesn’t have to be complicated or demanding or about one-upmanship or trying to be nobler than the other.

Unlike people, animals don’t expect you to be perfect. They don’t drain you emotionally or push you into mental exhaustion. They offer comfort in its purest form—simple, genuine, and restorative. Any smallest gesture of love and care for them gets them to dote on you.  And voicelessly they say so much that the cacophony of a million thanks seems jarring to my ears now, for it doesn’t seem real or genuine.

1. My darling bunnies…each with an individual personality!
2. A haven of animal and insect life like no where else…my home, my sanctuary!
3. Ha ha, my adorable beagle loves his surprises but can’t stay away fro trying his teeth on them instantaneously!
4. The tail which loves unconditionally!
5. The winged adorables who wait patiently each morning for us to put out their bowls of seeds….Peace!

Lessons are often learnt when one expects them the least. I never thought that giving from the heart would make me learn to give from the mind, instead. I never thought that doing for others in whatever form or manner would make me learn to doing for myself first.

Learning to Prioritize Myself

This hiatus is a conscious choice to prioritize myself for a change. I’ve spent so much of my life pouring into others that I’ve left my own cup empty. It’s time to refill it. Whether it’s by spending quiet evenings with my pets, reconnecting with nature, or simply sitting in silence, this break is about recharging my soul.

I’m learning that I don’t have to be the “good” person all the time. Sometimes, it’s okay to say no. It’s okay to step back. It’s okay to choose my own well-being over someone else’s convenience.

A Gentle Reminder to Others

If you’re someone who constantly gives without pause, I hope my journey resonates with you. It’s not wrong to be kind or caring, but it’s vital to recognize when it’s taking too much from you. You deserve boundaries. You deserve peace. You deserve to take care of yourself without apology.

So, here’s to people detoxes, mental health breaks, and the quiet, healing love of my animal companions.

Sometimes, stepping back is the best way to move forward!

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