Never agreed with the “behind every successful man….”. For my whole life I have worked, been with people and seen people work hard too. However, for all of us ‘success’ meant so many different things.
Also, as I never categorised my life or my work into any societal compartment, I know that society wasn’t so generous at all. I have heard of advice often coming to me about how with some bending of professional norms, some thoughts tweaking occasionally, some amount of leniency in my opinions & views would lead me into that ‘heaven of professional bliss’ called by some as success. Never been a stickler for assisted guidance, all my life. Have listened to all opinions but followed my heart and instincts instead. I have wondered where it came from.
I figured it out as I became a mother myself. With this was the happy fortune of being a teacher, an educationist. My parents were ‘normal’ by my standards. Allowing me freedom of choices, the prudence to exercise my options, the autonomy to be non-conformist, to express opinions with candour but never with disrespect – things which I took in my stride but years or rather decades later comprehended were unique to my upbringing.
With an armed forces lifestyle, transfers every three years, exploring the varied cultural scape of our country, growing up learning in some outstandingly structured schools, its was actual bliss. And the incomes weren’t extravagant, but we always had enough and learnt to be prudent, not wasteful. Everything we got we cherished.
So, behind my happiness as a child were my extremely balanced parents who taught us everything from economical judiciousness to life skills to judgement & discretion to anticipation and sensitivity to the whole Jing bang of life. The most stellar thing amongst all that they did was a belief in me! This amazing acceptance of who I was; I don’t think they ever wanted me to be anything or anybody else.
Several years after becoming an adult and an educationist when I became a mother, I remember looking at my son sleeping in his crib and I silently made a promise to myself that I shall never, ever waver my belief in my child ever; come what may. I was aware of the changed scenarios I would find myself in along with him with regards to expectations from every quarter.
My advice to all those young mothers out there, never think that the power to make the choices about your own personal choices is with anyone else but you. Whatever the situations, whatever the scenarios, whatever the pressures – always remain rock-solid behind your child and let them know that this is one ‘rock’ – one mainstay which will continue to believe in them till eternity.
The belief, the sense of security in this thought is the most important support a parent can give to their child. Never forget that success is always temporary; happiness is forever!
Make your selection judiciously. Make it meaningful for that one individual in this world who you can rightfully call your own.
I internalize my learning. I look at my alternatives. I study my reactions. Then I reflect. Being a teacher has always helped. It has helped me both ways – at home with my child and at school with those under my care.
My understanding of their reactions, their fears, their little fibs, their anxieties, their promises, their declarations & assurances, their moments of highs & lows has been insightful, and I have always been able to deal with it appropriately. And how, many would ask? With two most important qualities: attentiveness when I listened to them and honesty in my responses & alternatives, I offered to them.
A happy self-confident child always has a parent who believes in him/her consistently, unfalteringly & staunchly. Then they always perform well, respond maturely to situations, balance emotions with panache, display a sophistication far beyond his/her age, are honest with reactions, in-being distant still display an attachment, have a freshness of approach to situations of everyday life.
I am always looking at permanency in my relationships. Anything which has durability and spells longevity, I opt for that status. I’m already in line of this thought process as far my child is concerned. Behind every happy child is a self-confident, poised and self-assured parent!
Remember to make your choices wisely, for this status cannot be changed frequently nor does it stay for just 24 hours – its permanent!!!